Navigation
-> Home
-> Forums
-> Downloads
-> Calendar
-> -=CoN=- Roster
-> Servers & Site Rules
-> Join Team -=CoN=-
-> Challenge Team -=CoN=-
-> Contact Web Admin
-> UT99 Links
-> Event Registration
-> UT Stats
-> Stats Leaderboard
-> Donate here
-> -=CoN=- Server Trackers
 
Members Online
-> Guests Online: 14
-> Members Online: 0
-> Total Members: 1,098
-> Newest Member: DL

Last Seen Users:
-=CoN=-Master 3 days
-=CoN=-Fletc... 1 week
-=CoN=-Kurt1W 1 week
-=CoN=-Jon_Snow 4 weeks
-=SoP=-Jalapeno 4 weeks
-=CoN=-ravager 6 weeks
-=CoN=-MoM 8 weeks
Tiggy 10 weeks
Mr.P 11 weeks
Dr.quack 14 weeks

 
Game Tracker
 
We are on Facebook
Facebook



 
Events
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31        
Today: Tomorrow: More...:
 
World Clock
-=CoN=-  
GMT/UTC  
PST  
MST  
CST  
EST  
Chile  
Brazil  
UK  
Poland  
Netherlands  
Italy  
Australia  

Your Time  

World Clock
 
No Cheaters

Cheaters / Lamers List
 
View Thread
 Print Thread
Texas Chili Contest
-=CoN=-WebAdmin
Frank: "Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cooking contest. The original person called in sick at the last moment and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to the Coors Light truck, when the call came in. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy and, besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting, so I accepted." Here are the scorecards from the advent:

(Frank Judge #3)



Chili # 1 Eddie's Maniac Monster Chili...

Judge # 1 --! A little too heavy on the tomato. Amusing kick.

Judge # 2 -- Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.

Judge # 3 -- (Frank) What the hell is this stuff?! You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put out the flames. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy!





Chili # 2 Austin's Afterburner Chili...

Judge # 1 -- Smoky, with a hint of pork. Slight jalapeno tang.

Judge # 2 -- Exciting BBQ flavor; needs more peppers to be taken seriously.

Judge # 3 -- Keep this out of the reach of children. I'm not sure what I'm supposed to taste besides pain. I had to wave off two people who wanted to give me the Heimlich maneuver. They had to rush in more beer when they saw the look on my face.





Chili # 3 Ronny's Famous Burn Down the Barn Chili...

Judge # 1 -- Excellent firehouse chili. Great kick. Needs more beans.

Judge # 2 -- A beanless chili, a bit salty, good use of peppers.

Judge # 3 -- Call the EPA. I've located a uranium spill. My nose feels like I have been snorting Drano. Everyone knows the routine by now.
Get me more beer before I ignite. Barmaid pounded me on the back, now my backbone is in the front part of my chest. I'm getting pie-eyed from all of the beer...




Chili # 4 Dave's Black Magic...

Judge # 1 -- Black bean chili with almost no spice. Disappointing.

Judge # 2 -- Hint of lime in the black beans. Good side dish for fish, or other mild foods; not much of a chili.

Judge # 3 -- I felt something scraping across my tongue, but was unable to taste it. Is it possible to burn out taste buds? Sally, the barmaid, was standing behind me with fresh refills. That 300-lb. woman is starting to look HOT...just like this nuclear waste I'm eating! Is chili an aphrodisiac?





Chili # 5 Lisa's Legal Lip Remover...

Judge # 1 -- Meaty, strong chili. Cayenne peppers freshly ground, adding considerable kick. Very impressive.

Judge # 2 -- Chili using shredded beef, could use more tomato. Must admit the cayenne ! peppers make a strong statement.

Judge # 3 -- My ears are ringing, sweat is pouring off my forehead, and I can no longer focus my eyes. I farted and four people behind me needed paramedics. The contestant seemed offended when I told her that her chili had given me brain damage. Sally saved my tongue from bleeding by pouring beer directly on it from the pitcher. I wonder if I'm burning my lips off. It really pisses me off that the other judges asked me to stop screaming. Screw those rednecks.





Chili # 6 Pam's Very Vegetarian Variety...

Judge # 1 -- Thin, yet bold vegetarian variety chili. Good balance of spices and peppers.

Judge # 2 -- The best yet. Aggressive use of peppers, onions, a! nd garlic. Superb.

Judge # 3 -- My intestines are now a straight pipe filled with gaseous, sulphuric flames. I pooped on myself when I farted and I'm worried it will eat through the chair! No one seems inclined to stand behind me anymore. I need to wipe my butt with a snow cone.





Chili # 7 Carla's Screaming Sensation Chili...

Judge # 1 -- A mediocre chili with too much reliance on canned peppers.

Judge # 2 -- Ho-hum; tastes as if the chef literally threw in a can of chili peppers at the last moment. **I should take note that I am worried about Judge # 3. He appears to be in a bit of distress, as he is cursing uncontrollably.

Judge # 3 -- You could put a grenade in my mouth, pull the pin, and I wouldn't feel a thing. I've lost sight in one eye, and the world sounds like it is made of rushing water. My shirt is covered with chili, which slid unnoticed out of my mouth. My pants are full of lava to match my shirt. At least during the autopsy, they'll know what killed me.
I've decided to stop breathing; it's too painful. Screw it; I'm not getting any oxygen anyway. If I need air, I'll just suck it in through the 4-inch hole in my stomach.




Chili # 8 Karen's Toenail Curling Chili...

Judge # 1 -- The perfect ending, this is a nice blend chili. Not too bold, but spicy enough to declare its existence.

Judge # 2 -- This final entry is a good, balanced ! chili. Neither mild, nor hot. Sorry to see that most of it was lost when Judge # 3 farted, passed out, fell over, and pulled the chili pot down on top of himself.
Not sure if he's going to make it. Poor fella, wonder how he'd have reacted to really hot chili?"

Judge # 3 -- Oh God.........
 
https://Teamconsnipers.com
DeMo
roflmao
 
-<KtA>-DeAtHtAg
Poke Fun
 
-=CoN=-TruckerClock
Clap
 
-=CoN=-SuperNatural
Thumbs Up roflmao
 
NATIVE
roflmaoroflmao
 
Jump to Forum:
 
Login
Username

Password


Remember Me


Not A Member yet? Click here to register!

Forgot your password? Forgot your password?
 
Team Speak
teamspeak Hosting by TeamSpeak3.com
 
Game Tracker 2
 
Shoutbox
You must login to post a message.

12-04-2023 05:26 PM
Please welcome in my Son Ryan as RyDawg91

11-16-2023 04:51 PM
hi we still play every night

08-08-2023 08:05 PM
I just wanted to stop in to say HELLO Smile Cool Carrot

07-21-2023 04:59 PM
Whats up folks? What happened to Lady_Widow, says she's former member.

04-24-2023 11:24 PM
I'm carrying a smoll baby future player in my womb. lol

01-27-2023 04:48 PM
Hi All, love to play again been tied up with interstate work for long periods need some practice see u all soon. Gun Hi

05-27-2022 10:03 PM
So what's everybody up to

02-16-2022 04:57 PM
All, I have started advertising our website and servers on UT forums through FB... Let's start playing again on our servers to start recruiting!!! Pet

02-03-2022 08:23 PM
hey super doing good and u!!

02-02-2022 11:07 PM
Wanted to jump on and check in on all you peeps! Hope you're all doing well! Grin

 
-=CoN=- Affiliates



c-opsclan.com



LAGG




Link to us
teamconsnipers.com