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Steven Wright's Humor
-=CoN=-Beast
I didn't get a toy train like the other kids.
I got a toy subway instead.
You couldn't see anything,
but every now and then
you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.


Hope you like these i got lots.;;beast
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
There's a pizza place near where I live
that sells only slices. In the back you
can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
Edited by -=CoN=-Beast on 04-28-2011 07:28 AM
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
How do you get off of a non-stop flight?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.

"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
What happens if you put
a slinky on an escalator?

"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman'.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
When I woke up this morning
my girlfriend asked me,
'Did you sleep good?'

I said,
'No, I made a few mistakes.'

"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
How did a fool and his money
get together in the first place?

"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
If a mute kid swears,
should his mother
wash his hands with soap?

"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
When an evil masochist dies does he go to hell,
or would heaven be a better punishment?


"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
What was the best thing
before sliced bread?

"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
Do people in Australia, call the rest
of the world, "Up Over" ?

"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
Was it somebody's cruel idea to
put an "S" in the word "LISP" ?

Edited by -=CoN=-Beast on 05-11-2011 06:21 AM
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while I'm in the waiting room. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
SHOULD CREMATORIUMS GIVE DISCOUNTS TO BURN VICTIMS?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
If it's zero degrees outside today
and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow,
how cold is it going to be?

"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
-=CoN=-Beast
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there,
is he still wrong?

"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
i1117.photobucket.com/albums/k590/oToDBeast/810350-1920x1080-137580_zpsdd1d4fa8.jpg
 
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12-04-2023 05:26 PM
Please welcome in my Son Ryan as RyDawg91

11-16-2023 04:51 PM
hi we still play every night

08-08-2023 08:05 PM
I just wanted to stop in to say HELLO Smile Cool Carrot

07-21-2023 04:59 PM
Whats up folks? What happened to Lady_Widow, says she's former member.

04-24-2023 11:24 PM
I'm carrying a smoll baby future player in my womb. lol

01-27-2023 04:48 PM
Hi All, love to play again been tied up with interstate work for long periods need some practice see u all soon. Gun Hi

05-27-2022 10:03 PM
So what's everybody up to

02-16-2022 04:57 PM
All, I have started advertising our website and servers on UT forums through FB... Let's start playing again on our servers to start recruiting!!! Pet

02-03-2022 08:23 PM
hey super doing good and u!!

02-02-2022 11:07 PM
Wanted to jump on and check in on all you peeps! Hope you're all doing well! Grin

 
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