Steven Wright's Humor
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 04-25-2011 06:41 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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I didn't get a toy train like the other kids.
I got a toy subway instead.
You couldn't see anything,
but every now and then
you'd hear this rumbling noise go by.
Hope you like these i got lots.;;beast
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 04-26-2011 11:47 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman,
"Where's the self-help section?"
She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 04-28-2011 07:27 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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There's a pizza place near where I live
that sells only slices. In the back you
can see a guy tossing a triangle in the air.
Edited by -=CoN=-Beast on 04-28-2011 07:28 AM
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 04-29-2011 07:57 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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How do you get off of a non-stop flight?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 04-30-2011 09:56 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Women should put a picture of their missing husbands on beer cans.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-01-2011 10:09 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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What happens if you put
a slinky on an escalator?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-03-2011 10:33 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-04-2011 06:25 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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I was in the supermarket the other day, and I met a lady in the aisle where they keep the generic brands. Her name was 'woman'.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-05-2011 06:46 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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When I woke up this morning
my girlfriend asked me,
'Did you sleep good?'
I said,
'No, I made a few mistakes.'
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-06-2011 06:58 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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How did a fool and his money
get together in the first place?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-07-2011 08:53 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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If a mute kid swears,
should his mother
wash his hands with soap?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-08-2011 09:43 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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When an evil masochist dies does he go to hell,
or would heaven be a better punishment?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-09-2011 06:49 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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What was the best thing
before sliced bread?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-10-2011 06:51 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Do people in Australia, call the rest
of the world, "Up Over" ?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-11-2011 06:20 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Was it somebody's cruel idea to
put an "S" in the word "LISP" ?
Edited by -=CoN=-Beast on 05-11-2011 06:21 AM
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-12-2011 06:53 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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My dental hygienist is cute. Every time I visit, I eat a whole package of Oreo cookies while I'm in the waiting room. Sometimes she has to cancel the rest of the afternoon's appointments.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-13-2011 06:24 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happen if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-14-2011 09:05 AM
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Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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SHOULD CREMATORIUMS GIVE DISCOUNTS TO BURN VICTIMS?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-15-2011 10:11 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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If it's zero degrees outside today
and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow,
how cold is it going to be?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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-=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-16-2011 06:48 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there,
is he still wrong?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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