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Steven Wright's Humor
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 -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-17-2011 06:11 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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If you were going to shoot a mime,
would you use a silencer?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-18-2011 06:28 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-19-2011 06:44 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Right now I'm having amnesia
and deja vu at the same time.
I think I've forgotten this before.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-20-2011 09:09 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-21-2011 08:50 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery.
When I got there, the guy was locking the front door.
I said, 'Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours.'
He said, 'Yes, but not in a row.'
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-22-2011 09:03 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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I'd like to sing you a song now about my old girlfriend.
It's called, 'They'll Find Her When the Leaves Blow Away
'Cause I'm Not Raking 'Til Spring.'
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-23-2011 09:31 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Since Americans throw rice at weddings,
do Asians throw hamburgers?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-24-2011 06:27 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Smoking cures weight problems... eventually.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-25-2011 06:25 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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If a word in the dictionary were misspelled,
how would we know?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-26-2011 06:47 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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One night I walked home very late and fell asleep
in somebody's satellite dish. My dreams were
showing up on TV's all over the world.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-27-2011 05:54 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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I knew a guy who was a clown.
When he died, all his friends
went to the funeral in one car.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-28-2011 07:43 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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I have an inferiority complex.
But it's not a very good one.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-29-2011 12:36 PM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
Edited by -=CoN=-Beast on 05-29-2011 12:38 PM
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-30-2011 07:49 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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If you are sending someone some styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 05-31-2011 06:31 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Do radioactive cats have
eighteen half-lives?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 06-01-2011 06:28 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Is it possible to be totally partial?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 06-02-2011 06:16 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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I was trying to daydream,
but my mind kept wandering.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 06-02-2011 09:23 PM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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The other day, I was walking my dog around my building... on the ledge.
Some people are afraid of heights.
Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 06-04-2011 10:14 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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I spilled spot remover on my dog.
He's gone now.
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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| -=CoN=-Beast |
Posted on 06-05-2011 08:41 AM
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Forum Rank
Posts: 561
Joined: 10/11/2010 10:40 AM
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Do they give pilots crash courses
in flight school?
"Gotta be somebody needs some killin."
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